A native Florida girl, I was born in the 1980's, a decade that saw such great films as Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, Back to the Future, and Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back. Raised on science with a love of adventure, I spent my entire time in school studying everything from astronomy to physics to paleontology and going off on unique trips from all across America to Europe. However, I craved to express myself in more creative ways, while at the same time fostering my childhood love. I discovered my passion for writing while journaling during a difficult period in my life. And so I began writing books. I have spent the last 10+ years working on my novels. I published my memoir, "On the Edge of Insanity" in 2013 and later published a couple short stories and poems on Vocal Media. I am currently working to publish my two Young Adult Fiction novels, a Fantasy Romance, "Elyaria: The Awakening," and a Sci-Fi Romance, "The Last Footprints." I love creating a world and getting lost in the story. I am very passionate about my books. I like to write stories with characters and worlds that every child and adult dream of. Every time I go through a difficult period, I read my books and they take me to a better world. I hope my books do the same for those who read them. I cannot wait to share them!
I was born and raised in Jacksonville, Florida. One of the largest cities by land mass in the United States, it felt more like small-town America, second star to the right and straight on past Cracker Barrel. My father had his own business as a computer programmer, and my mother was a historical reenactor. Me, well, I was the sweet girl in school, very clever, but shy.
I studied hard in school to get accepted into a good college where I planned on studying something in the sciences. I wasn't into school activities much, though. I spent most of my times out of school off on my adventures. Raised on movies such as Indiana Jones, Star Wars, and Back to the Future, I love adventure. Being a girl scout, my mother, my troop leader, took me camping all throughout the intensely humid Southeast. Hiking through lush forests, canoeing in natural springs, climbing trees, cooking s'mores, sleeping in tiny pitch-up tents. I, also, went horseback riding regularly on my favorite horse, Rhythm, a beautiful Palomino owned by a lady at one of the stables I went to, who kindly let me ride her. And of course, Disney World was a common destination living in Florida. I would definitely consider myself a Disney child, growing up on all their animated movies. But, it wasn't until later that I went on my most amazing adventures.
I spent a week studying dolphins, one of my favorite creatures and spirit animals, at the Dolphin Research Center in the Florida Keys. I became scuba certified and dived with the manatees in Florida's chilly springs. I even scuba dived in The Living Seas at Epcot in Disney World, swimming with sharks 4-6 ft. During an astronomy program one summer in Flagstaff, Arizona, I got to study the night skies and local geography. On my visit out West, I went white water kayaking down the wild Colorado River. My one and only brush with death when my kayak flipped over on top of my head, trapping me in the icy waters beneath without any air. Another summer, I attended Space Camp in Huntsville, Alabama. I got to pretend I was an astronaut doing simulations on the International Space Station and Space Shuttle. I even got to run a mission from a fake mission control. I spent a month in Hawaii, hiking, kayaking, snorkeling, and even mountain biking down a volcano. One of my favorite adventures was, every summer for about 4 or 5 years, I spent time out in Wyoming on dinosaur digs under the guidance of the famed paleontologist Dr. Robert Bakker. Every day, I lounged on the side of the mountain, in a pile of dirt, the sun shinning on me like a spotlight, and helped discover bones of giant creatures that dominated the Earth millions of years ago. Mornings and nights were spent dining on wonderful meals, by a distinguished chef, with the most intelligent and eccentric people I have ever met, regaling each other with clever jokes and tales of adventure. I even got to go to Toronto, Canada to hear a lecture by the famed physicist Stephen Hawking. And do to three lucky drawings, I got to attend the movie premieres of the three prequels to Star Wars in Los Angeles, Hollywood, and San Francisco California. George Lucas came out and introduced the third of the prequels. I was literally a foot away from him!
I had so many amazing adventures and I thought more were to come. Graduating fourth in my class with acceptance letters to numerous colleges, I had a promising future to look forward to with an infinite number of doors open to me. I was poised to enter adulthood, ready to set off on my own and follow my dreams, but all that changed in a week . . . in a day . . . in an hour . . . in a minute, and I would never be the same again.
In 2001, things changed. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was normal one moment, and then as if someone flipped a switch, the next moment I wasn't. According to the medical doctors, I had developed a mental illness. However, I would meet a spiritual medium and a shaman many years later who would tell me that what really happened was I had a spiritual awakening, and since I didn't have anyone to guide me through it, it devolved into a mental illness. I quickly began showing visible signs of the mental illness, though I wouldn’t be diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) until 2004. With the exception of my parents, I kept my disorders from everyone, only recently revealing that there was a problem. However much we may have learned about these conditions in the past few years, there is still a stigma attached to their names—the stigma that they are not real illnesses. Despite my growing medical problems, I managed to go to college and receive a BS in Physics. But it would be the last accomplishment I achieved for a long while. And one of the last great adventures I had was my trip to Italy, Greece, and Turkey with one of my best friends.
By 2006, after having suffered from OCD for five years, I was a mere shadow of my former self. The spark of light that exists in all humans had faded from me. I may have been alive, but I wasn’t living. OCD had become my life, consuming every part of me. Obsessive, anxious, and paranoid thoughts flooded my mind every second of every day. I couldn’t work. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t breathe. I was locked in a mental prison from which I couldn’t escape. I was on the edge of insanity, and if someone didn’t help me soon, I was bound to fall into its dark, bottomless depths.
When 2008 rolled around, I was delivered another severe blow. Not only did I suffer from OCD, but it turns out I also suffered from bipolar disorder and a severe anxiety disorder.
By the dawn of 2010, there was little left of my former self; years of OCD, bipolar disorder, and an anxiety disorder had stripped away at my body and soul. I was nothing now, just a waste of space unable to contribute to society, unable to lead a normal life. During these turbulent times, I started journaling. I eventually complied my thoughts into my first book, a memoir about my struggles with mental illness titled "On the Edge of Insanity." It was then I discovered my love of writing and a new career path. It was a career I could do despite my medical limitations.
Eight years of hell followed, the darkest years of my life. It wasn't until 2018 that a combination of medication and spiritual work led to a reawakening of sorts.
I was lost . . . lost for many days, for many months, for many years, for half a lifetime it would seem. Lost in a fog, in the haze. Honestly, the majority of my memories stop in 2005, when my bipolar disorder, OCD, and anxiety disorder started to get bad. For the next 13 years, I was in the haze, barely remembering anything that happened to me during that time. I was not me then . . . I was, but I was not. It is a strange thing not being yourself, not being wholly aware of the world around you, not remembering life. But one day I “woke up.”
Mental illness is one of the most insidious of all beasts, for it does not just try to destroy you physically, it tries to destroy you mentally, taking away the one thing that makes you undeniably you, your mind, and in so doing, your spirit. Your mind is your most powerful tool, it is your most powerful weapon. But with mental illness, that weapon is taken from you. How do you fight then? How do you fight an enemy you cannot see or touch? How do you fight an enemy that controls your thoughts and your actions? How do you fight an enemy that has taken all that you are and can be? I could not, not really. I fought to try to have a normal life. I fought to get up everyday and keep going. But I could not fight the real enemy, for that enemy was deeply imbedded in my mind. So I endured, trying to never give up and staying hopeful, for I knew that all suffering must have an end. There is no pain that lasts forever. I knew one day I would get better. Medicine is constantly evolving. New cures are being found. I just had to endure until that day came. And that day came in February 2018. That day, I “woke up.”
It is a strange sort of thing to say I “woke up,” but I do not know how else to describe it. It was like waking from a dream, like these past 13 years had been but a dark dream. One moment I was in the haze, and then, the next moment, I was in the clear. In February 2018, they started me on a new medication, and a short time later, I “woke up.” It was like literally someone flipped a switch, and the fog in my mind cleared. Just like how it started. God turned the light off, and God turned the light on.
I lost many things when I got sick. While my generation was off succeeding in their jobs, getting married, and having kids, I was just fighting to get through the day, fighting to stay sane, fighting the urge to just give up. Every day for 13 years, I suffered. I am surprised at even how much I could endure. But not all is lost. People love a comeback story, and I believe this is the start of mine. I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. And I believe I have a greater purpose on this Earth than to just suffer and die. I believe I was put on this Earth to learn and grow, to evolve, in my own spiritual journey, but I, also, believe I was put here to help others. Every life is significant. Every person has the power to change the world in immeasurable ways. Every person has the choice for whether they can bring light to this world or darkness. I try to bring light to everything I do, to everyone I meet, and it is my hope that my books will bring light to the millions of those lost in the darkness.
In the works.